BJSS, Part 2

Okay kiddies, what time is it?
"It's BJSS Time."
And why is that?
"Because James Says So!"

I am in Iowa-80, the largest truck stop in the world, ready to challenge those preconceived notions you may have learned in school. These may have involved:

Economics -- "The Jews are very good at making money. That is why they decided to control all the business in New York and they exterminated the Mafia. The Mafia is gone from this country." (I knew everything would go to pot when Rudy Guilliani refused to run for re-election.)

Economics -- "You don't have to pay taxes if you have dual citizenship. Actor and singer Kris Kristofferson bought his own island just outside the legal limits of the United States. He doesn't pay taxes and he has his own group of bodyguards and his own navy to protect him. He pays no taxes to the United States." (James shouldn't pay any taxes either because he has dual citizenship -- the United States and Kentucky.)

Geography -- "There is a difference between hills and mountains. North Carolina and Kentucky have mountains, Colorado and Wyoming have hills. The difference is how steep the elevation is. In Kentucky, the grade is much steeper than in Colorado. Another clue is the word 'mountain.' They are called the Smokey Mountains and the Appalachian Mountains." (I concur with this, coming from the Rocky Hills region of the United States. However, that climb outside of Denver that went from 5200 feet to 11,500 feet did seem kind of steep to me but I might have been lying back at the time."

Geography -- "The time zone separating Central Time and Mountain Time runs right through the city of Cheyenne, WY." (This is a bummer if you live on the west side and work on the east side, you would always be an hour late to work. It's just about as bad if you live on the east side and work on the west side, you're always an hour late coming home.)

Entertainment -- "There is a Scottish castle in Kentucky that actor Lee Majors (the Six-Million Dollar Man) bought for his wife Farrah Fawcett and had moved there stone by stone. After they moved the castle, Farrah decided to divorce Lee and he was stuck with a castle in Kentucky that he gave to the state." (Lee should have had the foresight to move the castle to Hollywood where both he and Farrah lived. Of course, where would have he put it?)

History -- "America's greatest concentration of Irish people is in Kentucky. The state was founded by Irish people." (That explains Daniel O'Boone, Abraham O'Lincoln, and Colonel O'Saunders.)

Languages -- "Japanese is not that hard of a language to speak. I worked for a year in a foundry owned by Japanese people and I was able to speak the language after that." (yoku dekimashita, Jami-san.)

History -- "I was 10 miles away from the world trade center when the towers went down and took a picture of it on my telephone (Sure enough, there was a picture on his cell phone of 2 planes in the 2 towers and a little AP in the corner). A lot of people don't know that al-Kaida also planned to take out Buckingham Palace, the Eiffel Tower, and the Kremlin that day also, but England, France, and Russia had the sense to stop them. A lot of people also don't know that when the towers were attacked, all the military planes in Kentucky were scrambled and hidden because they have the most advanced flying force in the East. (Now I understand -- all these KFC's I have been seeing stand for Kentucky Flying Core.)

Economics -- "The United States doesn't own any of the gas companies anymore. Amoco and Texaco are owned by Canada, Sunoco is owned by Australia, and Chevron is owned by Mexico. (Since my Chevron gas card that I used to own was good at both Chevron and Texaco, this is proof that NAFTA is working.)

Transportation -- "All motorcycles over 350 cc have secret computer transmitters in them and when you pas the manufacturer's site, they automatically transmit all the speeds, mileage, and places you have gone it." (Obviously, Orwell's 1984 referred to a 1984 cc motorcycle and not a year.)

Communications -- "Cricket is the best telephone service in America and has better antennas than Verizon, Cingular, and T-Mobile put together." (Since his cell phone keeps dropping out every 5 to 10 minutes, I'm guessing that Cricket did not put the secret transmitters in the motorcycles.)

Sociology -- "Canada is one of the dirtiest countries in the world. They have 4 hardcore pornography television stations that are broadcast over the public airwaves. They are trying to corrupt and bring down the United States. (This explains the huge influx of people into Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota and the Upper Peninsula. Chuck, you better snatch up as much land as you can -- property values are going to soar.)

Technology -- "Yahoo will only allow you to have 1000 e-mails at a time on its website." (This must be true because James has 3 e-mail accounts and had 1300 e-mails yesterday on these 3 accounts. When I went to look to verify, they accidentally got deleted. 'It's okay,' he said, 'they were mostly junk mail.')

Communications -- Indiana is so large, it has ten area codes: 5 for the outer areas and 5 for Indianapolis alone. (I looked this up and James is right. The outer areas have the area codes 219, 260, 574, 765, and 812. Indianapolis has 317A, 317B, 317C, 317D, and 317E.)

A lot of people however do not realize that James has a dark Sith side to him also. One time he had a load for Sears Roebuck Company that was 20 minutes late. The store manager yelled at him (I have yet to see a shipping manager, let alone a store manager but I am a lowly acolyte) because of its tardiness, so James called up Mr. Sears, who owns the company, and he called the store and fired the manager. (James was lucky it wasn't Mr. Roebuck's turn to be in charge.)

A sad incident happened at the McDonalds last night where we were having dinner. It involved an Okie-type family that was moving west. They had a Penske truck with their car in tow behind. The tow had a flat tire and they asked us if we knew where the nearest motel was. James told them that the nearest was 30 miles down the road and they left. As we left the restaurant, I saw a motel behind the McDonalds, across the parking lot. I remarked that I wish I knew that it was there so we could direct the family to it. He told me that he told the family that it was there but they thought it was too rundown for them.

Another incident happens in which I felt like running over him with his own truck. In the morning, the GPS said it would take 9.5 hours to get from the truck stop in Kentucky to the drop point in Iowa. He waited for the last moment to go and then let me drive. He took a three-hour nap in Illinois and was furious when he found out that we had lost time and was going to be late for the drop. He swore up a storm at me and told Werner and the consignee that Iwas to blame for us being late. I told him that the problem was that he was going by the estimated time on his Tom Tom which is geared for driving the automobile speed limit, not the trucker speed limit which is 5 to 15 mph below the automobile speed limit. He told me I was stupid, that I didn't understand how a GPS works, and that I had been going slow and it was my fault we were late. He said that all GPS devices estimate the time based on 55 mph because that's what the national speed limit was when they were invented. I told him that my Tom Tom did not and he said if it didn't it was because someone tampered with it. I cannot wait to evaluate him after this nightmare is over.

Since 2 posts ago, I have gone from:
Indianapolis to Columbus, OH to Lancaster, OH (200 miles)
Lancaster to Hebron, KY to Charlotte, NC (625 miles)
Charlotte to Reidsville, NC to Wytheville, VA to Indianapolis, IN to West Branch, IA (1100 miles)
West Branch to Omaha, NE to Walcott, IA (550 miles)
This totals 13,125 miles.

Well, I have to get my laundry done but it is late and I might just go to bed. I doubt I will be finished before my birthday but I now have hopes to be done by Halloween.