BJSS, The Finale -- A New Hope?

I am now in Atlanta, waiting for a new trainer. James just dropped me off and was fit to be tied. My SDM was insistent I get off the truck right away because James smoked and I had heart surgery. I tried to get put off the truck in Phoenix or another Western city but here I am in Atlanta. It seems I keep heading more and more east. I sure next time I will be put off at the New Brunswick terminal.

Well, it's time for more factoids that made Robert Ripley roll in his grave and shout "Not!"

Population: "Women outnumber men in the United States 10 to 1." (I guess Brigham Young wasn't such a silly man after all.)

The New Math (1): "My grandmother's grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee. That makes me one-quarter Cherokee." (This is because one-fourth times one-fourth equals one-fourth.)

Geography: "That driver wants to work for a company in Tucson, Arizona but he unfortunately lives in Southern Arizona." (Too bad, he didn't get a job in Page which is right next to Sierra Vista.)

The New Math (2): "I have been officially observing your driving from one o'clock to four o'clock, that's four hours...No, three hours...No, four hours...Wait...(counting on his fingers) one o'clock to two o'clock is one hour, two to three is two hours, three to four is three hours. It's three hours, just like I said." (No comment)

Government Security: "My fiancee had to get a secret security clearance (she is a CNA in a rest home). All nurses need security clearances since 9-1-1." (This is a must since many of those octogenarian terrorists may, in a fit of Alzheimer's, reveal the hiding place of an al-Kaida cell.)

Pharmaceutical Rope: "Rope is made of hemp which is a type of marijuana plant. But when you smoke rope, it only makes you sick, not high. That is why hemp is known as skunk weed." (Since marijuana and skunk weed are both types of cannabis, I can assume that skunk weed is the black and white striped variety. (In Georgia, it is against the law to smoke hemp rope -- honestly, even though it is a different type of hemp.)

The New Math (3): "At a tollway oasis in upstate New York, I bought a quarter pounder with a drink and they charged me $14.50. Can you believe they charged me $6.00 for a quarter pounder and $2.50 for a drink?" (And $6.00 for the sack and napkins?)

Anthropology: "The Blackfoot Indians are the most hated tribe by all the other Indians. In the late 1800s, all the other tribes tried to wipe out the Blackfoot Indians and they almost succeeded until Geronimo stopped them because he wanted the Blackfoot Indians to help them fight the white men." (Maybe if they bathed more often they would not be so disliked ... and not have such dark appendages. Okay, Okay, that was really bad but I have not had a lot of sleep the last week.)

The New Math (4): As we passed a sign marking the site of a fatal bus crash in 1989 that killed almost 40 children and parents on a church outing, this remark was made, "Can you believe the drunk driver who killed all those people is now out on the streets? He served 30 years in prison and then they let him go." (It seems like I also have served 30 years and today they let me go.)

Diseases: "The Ebola virus started in Africa and came from the monkeys there." (Which monkeys I asked.) "Those orangutans that live in Africa." (I know understand the DVD cover of the movie Animals are Beautiful People, which has a tiger, an elephant, and a lion sitting next to each other. It must have been designed by someone from Kentucky.)

The New Math (5): Whenever we pass an interesting car, James has owned at least one of them. For example, we passed a classic Chevy Chevelle and James had owned a '68, '69, '70, '72, '73, and '74 models; he did not like the '71 model. I began counting and today when I left his truck, he was up to 54 different cars he had owned -- not bad for someone who is 45 years old and whose truck was repossessed by the bank earlier this week. Another interesting area of math is his job history. This week, he has phoned a couple of companies and gave them his resume trying to get a job. Hopefully, these companies cannot add since he has been a truck driver 17 years, factory supervisor 11 years, worked on factory docks 3 years, worked in a foundry 3 years, and served in the Navy 5 years -- totalling 39 years providing he didn't work in any other jobs.

National Parks: "There is a giant hotel that has been built in Mammoth Caves. It is always full because it is the right temperature there, not too hot, not too cold." (You have to place a reservation months in advance to get the Batman Suite.)

The New Math (6): When in New York City, there was a six-part exit that was labeled 16A, 16B, 16C, 16D, 16E, and 16F. When approaching the exit, James told me, "It took me years to figure this out but do you know how these exits work? A is the first exit, B is the second exit, C is the third exit, D is the fourth exit, and so on." (Only going south to north, otherwise it is F, E, D, C, B, A -- east to west is B, D, F, A, C, E -- west to east is E, C, A, F, D, B -- southeast to northwest B, F, C, A, E, D ...)

Military Measuring Units: While telling of his vast Naval experience, James mentioned that his ship could travel 60 knots. I asked what a knot was and he said, "The knot is the same as a mile but for respect for the Navy and there ability to tie knots, they renamed miles per hour to knots for them." (Which explains the meaning behind Bowline Inches, Sheep Shank Feet, Butterfly Yards, Fisherman's Knot Furlongs, Square Knot Leagues, . . .)

and my personal favorite:

Safety and Hygiene: "Do you know that over 15,000 people die each year from toothpaste poisoning. This comes from not rinsing their mouths thoroughly. Toothpaste contains extremely strong acids and if you do not rinse thoroughly, it goes into your stomach and eats it out causing you to bleed to death internally." (Reminds one of the old jingle: 'I wonder where my tummy went when I brushed my teeth with Pepsodent.')

I should get a new trainer anytime. I would if third time is the charm or three strikes and you are out.

Currently, I have driven a semi in 18 different states --Alabama, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nebraska, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, and West Virginia.

Since last post, I have gone from Walcott, IA to Chicago, IL to Aurora, IL(200 miles)
Aurora, IL to Montgomery, NY to New York, NY, to Sayreville, NJ to Columbus, OH (1475 miles)
Columbus, OH to Scottsville, KY to Nashville, TN to Atlanta, GA (625 miles)

This totals 15,425 miles.
I've got to catch the shuttle to the Atlanta terminal and check in. We'll meet again later.